To be fair, there was. But Angie torched all the blurve sometime during the second week.
To be even more fair, you SAID you were "chilly." I was being helpful and shit.
To be even more fairerer, the blurve was pretty much just taking up space anyway. I mean what are we going to do, waste it on cray? Pfft.
So guys. I went to the DMV to renew my driver's license this morning and it was all just a little surreal.
See, New York lets you renew your license by mail, so the last time I actually set foot in a DMV was in the 1990s. No lie. But I looked at the dewy, fresh-faced, bright-eyed, Seinfeld-era-haircut photo on my license and decided that it was time to update the photo before it started to look more like my non-existent daughter than like me. And for that, you must go in person.
Now, the last time I set foot in a DMV, it was a mad zoo of twining lines and snarling people. You could easily die waiting there and no one would notice until you started to smell. And then they'd just give your corpse a kick and tell you to stop stinking up the place.
So I set aside the whole morning for it, packed a book, went bright and early to their newish (as in, not there in 1998) "license express" office, and braced myself.
I was in and out in literally 10 minutes. Employees greeted me when I came in and ushered me to the correct line. The polite employee at the desk asked me if the new photo was OK, or if I wanted to take another shot. (Actually, the photo was awful because they now take them so close up you can see right up your nostrils, but never mind. It's not supposed to be a glamor shot.)
I was a little weirded out. I almost felt let down -- where was my horror story? What have they done to the NYC DMV?
Out of pure curiosity, I asked the woman at the desk if there was some point at which NY would make someone get a new photo. I mean, obviously they are happy to let you go a couple of decades without doing it. I am still recognizable as the person in my photo -- I'm about the same weight, I have the same hair color (though a different style), and I've aged reasonably gracefully (fun fact -- my nieces easily picked me out of my elementary school photos. Even at age 6 or 7, I looked like me.) I look older, but it's easy to see it is the same person. But that is totally not true for a lot of people after 20 years. I run into former classmates all the time who are utterly unrecognizable.
Anyway. this apparently does not bother the NY DMV. As far as the woman at the desk knew, they would've kept letting me renew by mail right up through death. Which might have been okay with me were it not for the Seinfeld-era haircut.
Post by CassandraW on Aug 29, 2017 19:40:30 GMT -5
OK! I have another story, and it's totally against me so you blurveless hurtful people will totally love it!
So I have this silk sweater. I've had it forever, but it was still, until recently, in perfect shape. It happens to be a really great color for me -- a shade of wine red -- that I can't seem to find in the stores right now, it fit perfectly, I could dress it up and down, wear it alone or with a blouse under it, etc. Perfect! But, see, I got this tiny teeny weensy little spot on it, down near the hem, that was about the size of a pencil point and maybe just a shade darker than the sweater. If you got out a magnifying glass and you put your nose right up against the hem of my sweater in a really bright light, you could totally see it, I swear! And my dry cleaner couldn't get it out. She said "no one will notice it anyway."
Pfft. I'm anal-rententive and that was totally not good enough for me. I decided I would get that stain out myself! With Shout!TM stain remover! Totally!
Only it kind of took the color out of my sweater, so that instead of a tiny teeny weensy little dark spot you could totally see under a bright light with your nose an inch from the hem of my sweater if you knew just exactly where to look, I've got a big faded patch about an inch square that you can totally see across the room.
So now I'm spending my evening trying to find a replacement sweater in exactly that color, and in a good fit, and in a natural fiber that's comparable (lightweight but substantial enough so it isn't see-through). I will see you all when I find it, which will probably be sometime around the next solar eclipse.
Last Edit: Aug 29, 2017 19:44:57 GMT -5 by CassandraW
Post by CassandraW on Aug 29, 2017 21:39:12 GMT -5
Thoughts While Sweater Shopping Online by CassandraW
(1) Dear Red Valentino: If you would like me to consider paying $441.14 for a cardigan sweater, you should perhaps not shrink it in the dryer first.
(2) Dear Simone Rocha: I understand you would very much like to convince me to spend $905 for a cardigan sweater. However, pigtails were unfortunately not the way to go. I appreciate the effort, though.
(3) Dear Alice + Olivia: If you wanted me to pay $295 for this sweater, you should not have taken scissors and a magic marker to it. I could have done that later myself, trying to "fix" it.
All I want is a plain deep red to burgundy cardigan in a quality fabric that doesn't have any holes or lace or googaws hanging off it. And not tomato red or fire engine red. Red like a glass of wine red. Is that so much to ask?
ETA: Also: not cotton. Cotton fades and gets all pilly. Not anything fake, either. Silk or merino wool, or maybe cashmere, except that cashmere is really just for winter, and I'd rather have it be seasonless, so silk or a lightweight merino wool that feels silky would really be best. And no band at the bottom that makes it look boxy or blousy. It should lie smoothly on my body, but without being tight. Or baggy either. And no weird or cheap buttons, either. Thank you.
And it can't be super long, but it shouldn't be so short that it shows my navel when I reach up.
And not frumpy.
EETTAA: Did I mention I shouldn't be able to see through it and I should be able to wear a blouse under it? That's important. But I should also ideally be able to get away with wearing it alone if I want.
EEETTTAAA: I should be able to throw it on with a skirt at the office, over a dress when I'm chilly, or wear it with jeans, and not look weird in any of those three cases.
EEEETTTTAAAA: Other than that, I'm not particular. Either a shallowish v-neck or a crew neck that isn't too snug-looking. See? I'm totes flexible!
EEEEETTTTTAAAAA: Oh, and I'm not paying no $295, $441.14, or $905 for either, because it is just a damn sweater.
EEEEEETTTTTTAAAAAA: Oh, and the buttons can't be too far apart because then it gapes in between. And the buttons can't bee too big because then they droop or too small because then they're a pain in the ass to fasten. Ant they can't be gold because I hate gold buttons. Or anything dumb like flower-shaped buttons or shit like that. Just plain buttons that don't look cheap and don't stick out too much and are exactly the right size and distance apart.
And no patch pockets. Especially those droopy useless ones that hit right at the waist or hips and serve no purpose except to add an extra inch or two just exactly where I don't want it.
I mean, why is this so hard? I'm totally not fussy or anything, amirite?
Last Edit: Aug 30, 2017 11:54:40 GMT -5 by CassandraW