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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2017 21:11:35 GMT -5
It's an hour's train ride away. I've known the friend for years, but am not close to her kid (he will not care whether I'm there). It will be mostly strangers. Hours of hanging around making awkward conversation.
I really, really, really, really do not want to go. I hate events like this. I've no idea what to get as a gift.
Tell me I don't have to go.
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Post by michaelw on Nov 23, 2017 21:32:03 GMT -5
You know who else wouldn't have gone to the bar mitzvah?
Hitler.
You have to go.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2017 21:33:43 GMT -5
You've been really mean since you got that puppy avatar, Michael.
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Post by mikey on Nov 23, 2017 21:47:40 GMT -5
It's an hour's train ride away. I've known the friend for years, but am not close to her kid (he will not care whether I'm there). It will be mostly strangers. Hours of hanging around making awkward conversation. I really, really, really, really do not want to go. I hate events like this. I've no idea what to get as a gift. Tell me I don't have to go. This sounds like something one of my daughters would ask me. If it was one of them who ask me, I would tell them to chose their poison. Ether go to the bar mitzvah, or go to the closest shelter and donate your time. Sitting at home sipping wine or whatever would be out of the question. (This Dads point of view)
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Post by poetinahat on Nov 24, 2017 0:31:15 GMT -5
You don't have to put on the red light. Beyond that, I can't say.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2017 0:48:25 GMT -5
Those days are over.
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Post by poetinahat on Nov 24, 2017 1:10:28 GMT -5
Review of a bad Police concert:
"O Sting! Where is thy death?"
..
Srsly, I'm sympathetic and ambivalent about your predicament.
The honor of being invited to such a special occasion, the awkward social juxtapositioning, the need to hold oneself to a certain standard, The question of whether they'll value or make note of your presence, Whether a well-expressed apology and an appropriate gift satisfies them and discharges your obligation, What the odds are of making interesting new acquaintances at the event, and whether there's wifi on the train.
At very least, your agonising over it should get you out of several days of Purgatory.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2017 1:25:00 GMT -5
It's mostly about the first three -- my presence will make no difference to the kid, and I can't imagine much to them. I really doubt I'll make fascinating new friends, and at best the wifi will be sketchy. (Also, getting to the train requires a subway transfer, then there's a cab from the train...it's a couple hours each way to get there, all told.)
But I know it's an honor to be invited, and yeah, I do try to hold myself to a certain standard. I regard some events -- funerals, for example -- as obligatory if it is at all possible to go. My question for myself is whether this bar mitzvah falls into that category.
On the bright side, cutting my time in purgatory is a plus.
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Post by poetinahat on Nov 24, 2017 4:45:39 GMT -5
It’s an honour, but it’s also a big ask.
It sounds like you know your answer - whether it aligns with their answer is the next question.
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Post by Don on Nov 24, 2017 5:31:34 GMT -5
As an atheist, I try not to offend religious sensibilities, by not inviting my religious friends to sabbats, sacrifices, orgies and the like. Yet they keep trying to lure me into their tax-free pious palaces for one event or another, in hopes of saving my soul. I have found that a reciprocal invitation to my next hedonistic endeavor cuts down on the attempts to religisize me. YMMV.
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Post by michaelw on Nov 24, 2017 6:53:19 GMT -5
Inviting someone to a bar mitzvah is an attempt at proselytizing?
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Post by robeiae on Nov 24, 2017 8:06:38 GMT -5
Suck it up and go.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2017 11:25:33 GMT -5
I'm pretty sure they're not trying to convert me to Judaism.
I don't think my friend is religious, actually, and her husband isn't even Jewish. (They celebrate both Christmas and Chanukah, but as a rule attend neither church nor temple.) I think this is more of a cultural thing. But an important one nonetheless. I have enough Jewish friends to understand that this isn't just another birthday party.
I'll probably end up sucking it up, but I wanted to whine first. My curmudgeonliness grows on me with age. I want everyone to just lemme alone already and get off my damn lawn.
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Post by michaelw on Nov 24, 2017 19:08:01 GMT -5
I want everyone to just lemme alone already and get off my damn lawn. We all know you live in New York and don't have a lawn.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2017 19:41:50 GMT -5
GET OFF MY DAMN STOOP!
Damn dog.
*grumbles* *waves cane*
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