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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2018 17:03:32 GMT -5
Some of you might recall I have a neighbor, divorced dad of a teenager, who frequently travels for work. His son was throwing noisy parties in his absence, so finally I got fed up and told the dad, who apologized profusely, and sent the kid over to apologize too.
I now know for a fact that kid is not supposed to be in dad's apartment AT ALL when dad is away, much less throwing parties.
So. Dad went away this week. And guess who threw a party again?
The thing is, they were actually really quiet. They tiptoed and whispered in the hall. They kept the music low. The only reason I even know about it is that I bumped smack into a gang of kids coming out of the apartment -- it was clear there were a good 20-30 kids in there. Teenage kid saw me -- he looked a little green around the gills when he did.
I have to say, if the kid had kept his past parties this quiet, I wouldn't have tattled in the first place. But now I know for sure this is a direct defiance of his dad.
Do I tattle, or do I mind my own business? (Dad and I are friendly, but not good buddies or anything.)
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Post by Optimus on Mar 18, 2018 17:51:26 GMT -5
Getting busted by your parents builds character.  |
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Post by Vince524 on Mar 18, 2018 18:26:01 GMT -5
I'd say no, unless you think they're doing stuff to be concerned about. How old is the teen?
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2018 18:37:12 GMT -5
The kid is 16.
The last time he had a party, I smelled pot. This time I didn't, but I was only out in the hall that one time.
Normally I'm not a tattle-tale type. The kid drove me to it last time because he and his friends totally ignored me when I asked them to keep it down. At that time, I wasn't even sure whether dad had given him permission to have friends over in his absence. If they'd toned it down, I would have left it alone.
But I now know the dad has a very strong opinion on it indeed -- he does not want his apartment used as a teen crash pad. The mom (whom I've never met) apparently also agrees with that -- the last time, he fibbed to her about where he was the night he threw the party.
And there's this -- I adore my just-turned-15-year-old niece (gaah, how'd she get so big?!). But I would not want her and her friends (or for that matter, anyone) using my place as a party venue in my absence. I just wouldn't.
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Post by prozyan on Mar 18, 2018 20:51:02 GMT -5
Call the cops and let the cops inform the dad. Win/win.
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Post by haggis on Mar 18, 2018 20:52:15 GMT -5
The little bastige lied to his parents. While it's nice he toned down the party, he still had the party. Turn him in.
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Post by haggis on Mar 18, 2018 20:59:01 GMT -5
Seriously, if you hadn't already had conversations with the father, I'd be inclined to chill. But you have had them and the kid hasn't learned.
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Post by Optimus on Mar 18, 2018 22:07:38 GMT -5
And there's this -- I adore my just-turned-15-year-old niece (gaah, how'd she get so big?!). But I would not want her and her friends (or for that matter, anyone) using my place as a party venue in my absence. I just wouldn't. That's key, I feel. Would you want someone to tell you if the same thing were going on in your apartment while you were gone? If something bad were to happen, would the dad be held liable since it's his apartment, even if he wasn't there? I don't have kids but if shit were going down at my place while I wasn't there, I'd want to know. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2018 7:38:56 GMT -5
Dad could theoretically be evicted, too, if something bad were to happen.
And then the direct disobedience is a problem, and (even taking the parent/child thing out of the equation) the using someone else's property when they have said you cannot.
I have the access codes to a friend's very fancy-pancy apartment and their roofdeck. They travel a lot and spend pretty much every weekend at their country home. I would never dream of throwing a party there in their absence.
Gaah. I have to tell him. You know, as I think of it, I think perhaps he deliberately let me know he'd be gone for that purpose. I hadn't seen him for a few days prior (not unusual -- we often don't come in and out in the same hours). He left a bag of fruit on my doorstep with a note "I'm going to be in China and didn't want this to go to waste." It may be he's just a thrifty guy who doesn't like stuff to be wasted (I'm like that myself), but it also may be he wanted me to know he wasn't going to be there.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2018 7:46:38 GMT -5
As I think of it, it's actually not such a great thing that the kid did such an awesome job last time of giving me and his father a sincere apology. I was pretty convinced that what we had was a good kid who recognized he'd screwed up and had learned something.
The fact that he apparently didn't mean a word of it -- all he cares about is avoiding consequences -- doesn't bode well.
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Post by robeiae on Mar 19, 2018 8:38:36 GMT -5
Once upon a time, I would have been 100% tell the dad.
But you know, potential costs are up for "getting involved."
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Post by Amadan on Mar 19, 2018 10:20:20 GMT -5
I would be seriously pissed if someone - even my own kid - were using my place for parties, without my knowledge or permission.
I'd also be rather upset at a neighbor who knew this was going on and didn't tell me. Neighbors should kind of look out for each other, right? It may not be your responsibility or obligation to tell him, but you'd want him to do it for you, right? If your niece decided to party in your apartment while you were gone, and he knew you had not given her permission?
Now, of course by doing this, you are going to become "That nosy bitch" to son and his friends. But how much do you care that a bunch of teenagers are going to think you're a bitch?
Look, if he'd kept it on the down-low and not upset his dad's neighbor in the first place, you could have just assumed he had permission and let it go. He screwed up, multiple times.
And seriously, 20 or 30 kids in an apartment? How big are these apartments?
This is something bad waiting to happen.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2018 11:06:53 GMT -5
Once upon a time, I would have been 100% tell the dad. But you know, potential costs are up for "getting involved." To note, I'm not worried about hurting my relationship with the neighbor. I worried about that last time round, since I wasn't sure if kid had his dad's permission, and a lot of parents are all "don't you dare get involved in my parenting!" I got over that solely because the kid was driving me fucking batshit on a regular basis with his parties. But now, having had the conversation with the dad last time, I know for a fact he'll be grateful to me, not annoyed. He didn't just say "okay, I'll talk to him." He thanked me profusely, asked questions about who I'd seen (he's apparently worried that his kid is hanging out with older kids/young adults who are a bad influence), what behaviors I'd witnessed. He then made the kid come over alone to apologize, and he invited me over for a small Christmas party. So, yeah, neighbor's not going to be pissed at me. And I don't really give a damn about kid being pissed at me. What can he do? Dad will likely take his key away entirely (which is what he did with the older kid, who is now away at college). The only thing that at all made me hesitate is my own "leave people alone as long as they're not bugging me or hurting anyone." Like I said, if kid and friends hadn't been repeatedly wildly inconsiderate -- if they'd kept the parties as quiet as this weekend's -- they never would have had any problems with me to begin with. But Amadan has a good point that the dad has some potential liability here. If I have a loyalty here, it is certainly to him. ETA: As to how many people can you cram in an apartment -- heh. I had a dinner party for sixteen in mine (which is about 600 square feet, I think)! Eight crammed around the dining room table, and eight eating around the coffee and end tables! (That was crazy -- I'd never do it again.) I once had a party that had 70 people trek in and out over the course of the evening -- I know this because they all signed a card! If you don't mind standing elbow to elbow, you can fit a surprising number of people in a small apartment!  |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2018 11:44:32 GMT -5
heh. It is a very New York thing to politely pretend your neighbors don't exist. Living packed together as we do, you often know when couples argue all the time, when someone routinely staggers in drunk, etc. But unless it crosses a particular line, most of us ignore each other. I have a couple of neighbors in the building I'm on very friendly terms with, but there's one guy on my floor who's lived there a couple of years with whom I never speak, and plenty of others like that in the building.
In this case, though, the complaint I made back in December moved this neighbor and I into much more cordial "borrow a cup of sugar/ discuss social plans/gossip about other neighbors" terms. Which means we're more like regular neighbors who look out for each other. And which enabled me to know for a fact how he would feel. Which I think tips me over into "yeah, tattle on the kid."
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2018 19:49:26 GMT -5
Unbelievable. Kid has his friends over at Dad's place tonight, too. Just half a dozen or so, but still -- Dad told me kid wasn't supposed to be over there period when Dad wasn't home.
That just shifted me from "I'll probably tattle" to "Hells to the yes, I'm going to tattle." Kid shouldn't be entrusted with a key.
It's looking like a snow day tomorrow -- we're expecting 8-12 inches of snow and schools are closed. I'll be working on an agreement from my apartment. If kid thinks he and his little friends are going to party it up all day, I've got some fucking news for him: Mean Neighbor is officially in the house, and she's willing to get ugly.
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