Should I fight this?

I would fight it big time. Underline the fact that you're a lawyer, and research school policy on such. Your son will have a notation on his transcript for violence which could affect his school choices later in life. A letter of intent to sue might make them change their mind. This might be their go to response, but if you tell them that regardless, you will fight it, they may not want to die on that hill.

You could throw in stuff about how it's their responsibility to provide a safe environment for your son and while you understand they can't be everywhere and watch everyone, their response shows that they do not take bullying seriously. You could also claim gender bias if you could prove what Rob said. Pf a girl had been physically attacked, would they suspend her for defending herself?

I would be raising holy hell, and be coming into school the next day, invited or not.

If they punish your son, it will send a message that A) Defending against a bully is just as wrong as bullying. And B) That if you're attacked by a bully you have no right to defend yourself because you'll be putting your transcript at risk. That means a bully can smack a kid around and say with impunity "if you hit me back, you'll get in just as much trouble."

Heck, I'd be threatening to contact local newspapers and gin up bad publicity, but that's me.

Keep us apprised, I'm very curious to what happens. Good luck.

I'm with Rob and Vince -- fight it.

ETA:

Make Rob's point about "this is what bullies count on", and ask the principal to specifically cite the rule she seems to vaguely be relying on -- the one saying "no matter what, if kids engage in a physical altercation, they both get punished" (which seems to conflict with the self-defense provision, and which I'm betting does not exist).  

While it's probably too late for the field trip, I'd still agree with the posters above.

And for the record, I'd be proud that your son knows how to protect himself from an idiot. Nothing wrong with a knee to the groin when circumstances call for it.

I mentioned this to someone I worked with. They told me their son got in trouble because their son stood up for a kid who was in a wheelchair and couldn't move. Detention and not on transcript, but the mom argued with her school. Same thing happened a year later when some kid was hurting someone else playing baseball. Her son was suspended for one game, the other kid was kicked off the team.

The ironic part was, the same day the game happened that he was suspended for, something else happened that put the kid in the hospital. (No fight, just medical.) He was diagnosed with a heart issue and they think if it had hit during a game, it could have killed him.

Just an update: I emailed the principal and he gave me a long and thoughtful reply, which also didn't address my points. He tried to muddy the waters and make it seem like the facts weren't all that clear. He said nice things about my boy, though, and so I was pretty conciliatory in reply:


Principal Nelson,

Thank you for your detailed and thorough response, we appreciate it. We don’t wish to drag this out and I actually don’t think we’re too far from agreement. One point we differ on is that Henry insists, and always has to us, that the other boy kneed him intentionally, and his kneeing of the other boy was defensive. And regardless of the intent of anyone else, it seems agreed that the physical contact was initiated by either the other boy or their mutual friend. Put another way, Henry did not start any of the physical contact. (The basketball banter sounds very much like him, though.)

Anyway, for these reasons we would again ask that in light of AISD’s policies (which case law states you are required to follow), you allow Henry to go on the field trip. We feel strongly that removing an educational opportunity for a boy who did no more than respond to aggression makes no sense with regard to his education, and is unfair in a wider sense. The only lesson he’ll learn from this is, “Stand up for yourself and you’ll be punished for it.”

I know the boys are basically friends, and this isn’t a bullying issue, and it’s to their credit that there are no hard feelings between them. But Henry does wish to go on that field trip, and we think it’s only right that he should.

Please let us know what you decide.

Regards,

So it appears that this was not a bullying or harassment type situation? Both boys are over it and no hard feelings between them? If so, that's a relief, and really great.

To be honest, when the read the OP, I wondered if the incident actually could be classified as bullying, because, I mean, clearly, Henry would be a bad target for a bully. Unless Henry was heretofore cloak and dagger with his ability to defend himself with such… precision… and had only just then revealed his skills.

It seems like the whole incident was rather typical middle-school boy behavior (I’m on my third go ‘round with this, by the way) and it would have been a big nothingburger if the faculty hadn’t been notified. (By the way, who notified the faculty?)

At any rate, the faculty had to respond, and they determined that both boys broke the rules. This seems correct. Yes, the first kid broke the rules first, but did Henry really need to give that retaliatory shove? Would a “whatever, loser” have sufficed? This is going off the claim that they are basically friends and the initial shove was not threatening, was not actually a situation where a defense, especially a physical retaliation, was needed.

I think it might be a good learning opportunity for the young lad, assuming these are facts of the case. The knee-jerk desire to respond in kind, to “shove back”, is natural, but it’s not always the best response.

It reminds me of an incident (not the same, but not entirely dissimilar) involving my middle kid, when he was in junior high, playing competitive soccer. His position was defender. It was an away game, all of us parents having traveled an hour or two, all of us watching from the sidelines, when suddenly my son grabs his mark in a giant… bear hug, for lack of a better description, and the two of them twirl around the field until my son finally lets him go. We were all like… what in the hell? My son is also very laidback, generally, so that added to the shock. He got a yellow card. Lucky. Could have been red, because that was one serious foul.

I found out later that son’s mark had been pulling on his jersey, talking shit, pulling on his jersey, talking shit, pulling, tugging, pulling – essentially fouling him over and over and over, but always outside of the view of the refs. He was, by son’s account, extremely good it, the best he’d ever encountered. Son put up with it for 45 minutes, and then decided he was done. It wasn’t happening anymore. So he gave the guy a hug, and took the penalty, gladly.

That was seven or eight years ago, and we still laugh about it. My guess is Mark and family are going to laugh about Henry’s fight-ending feat for years to come, too.