We're having a discussion at home that arose far later than it probably should have. See, my 12 yo girl who is teeny tiny for her age, wants to join her three friends and all wear the same costume at school and for the evening's trick or treating. We were totes on board, not giving it much of a thought.
And then, this past weekend, I was at a book event with said 12yo in tow, and a very large lady asked her what she was going to be for Halloween. My little girl smiled and said, "I'm wearing a fat suit, and so are some of my friends."
Now, the woman was very sweet and didn't appear to be offended at all. But I cringed, and ever since I've been wondering why (or if?!) it's OK for a (skinny, to boot) kid to wear a fat suit for Halloween. And given my discomfort at that moment, I've come to the conclusion that it's not OK. The sole purpose is to generate laughs, and tbh she does look funny in it, but that just seems mean. What will the overweight kids at school think?!
I know there's a corner of the world that would tell me I'm being too PC about this, but this board isn't that corner. I would value and thoughts or insights, though.
Surely there are overweight kids and teachers at your kids school who will feel badly that your kid and her friends regard "fat" as a costume. If she were going as, I dunno, Santa Claus, and padding up to fit the part, that might be one thing. But just going as "fat"? Yikes. I'd put the kibosh on it.
What might be cute is if your daughter wore the fat costume in tandem with a heavy-set friend who wore a "skinny" costume (something akin to those tacky huge shirts that display a bikini)... so they'd be switching bodies for Halloween. It needs to be clever, not just I'm a fat person for Halloween, hahaha.
Just to follow up - we talked with her last night and told her the costume was a no-no. She was upset to begin with because it means not being able to share the experience with her friends. But later she came to us and said, "I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so now you have to help me figure out what to be for Halloween."
Interestingly, we texted the mum of one of the other girls, a pretty good friend, and didn't hear back. I wonder if she disagrees and will feel judged. But... we can't control that, and feel like we've done the right thing here.
Coming to this thread late, and I do agree with the others that you absolutely did the right thing here. Your daughter learned a very nice lesson about considering the feelings of others, and that's a great place kids should learn these things - good life lessons modeled well by their parents. If the mom doesn't text you back, and at least acknowledge where you're coming from, then that's too bad.
My 16 year old daughter usually goes her own way every Halloween. And it's usually something pretty fun. This year her friends tried to convince her to be a tennis player with them (of course the short skirts aren't one of the reasons!) She initially agreed but was sort of bummed about it, and yesterday she decided she would be a tennis ball instead. That way they'd still have a theme, but she'd be her own person. LOL