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Post by Vince524 on Jul 13, 2017 20:36:31 GMT -5
I don't have to like someone to have compassion for them when they suffer through something horrible. I don't know if there's any real reason to believe that there's dementia signs. But who knows.
And yes, it's horrible. It runs on both sides of my wife's family, so she's worried as well. I saw her grandparents, who were both vibrant, sharp and just unstoppable disintegrate. Her grandmother was pretty bad at the end. She didn't trust those of us looking out for her, and wanted to trust family members that were out to hurt her.
That pissed me off the most. People looking to take advantage and hurt.
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Post by Christine on Jul 13, 2017 20:47:39 GMT -5
I apologize if I picked the wrong thread for Trump's interactions in France today (and the "joking").
I do actually think it might be some sort of uncontrollable... thing... possibly due to early dementia. I'm not convinced, but when you first brought it up, Cass, it really struck a chord.
My grandmother also was diagnosed with dementia. She had this thing where she was convinced people were stealing from her. Once she picked up a bowl in my mom's kitchen (a mixing bowl I know for a fact had been my mom's for decades) and shrieked "This is my bowl! You stole my bowl!" It was very upsetting. The thing is, for my grandmother's whole life, she had felt people "stole" from her. That was literally her mindset; that was how she viewed people. Because it was what she believed before she got dementia, the dementia exacerbated it, imo.
I've thought many times since that encounter that if I get dementia (it's inheritable, as far as I know) I want to be in a really happy place when it happens. So at least I can be the crazy woman who hugs strangers and sees butterflies and unicorns and has a batshit crazy POSITIVE outlook at the end, as opposed to being angry and afraid.
It's also why I've been spending a lot of time with my 73-year-old mom, who shows some early signs (but I'm not sure, and she won't see a doctor; she hates doctors) steering her away from thinking about the "scary Muslims" and scary this and scary that... she fears a lot of things. I think the time I've been spending with her is working, honestly--joking and laughing with her, talking about happy things. She seems happy. Also, somewhat ironically, Trump being president makes her feel safer (she's a lifelong conservative), and as her daughter, I have no desire to disabuse her of that notion.
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Post by Vince524 on Jul 13, 2017 20:53:55 GMT -5
Grandpa was a happy guy most of the time. He became child like, but he wasn't miserable until the very end when he was terrified all the time.
Grandma was a different story. She was convinced at different times that my daughter woke up screaming at night, the FBI was watching the house, that there were poodles running up and down the walls, that every aide and family member was stealing from her, except the ones that were trying. Etc, etc, so forth and so on.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 21:08:02 GMT -5
Alas, I don't think it necessarily is about what frame of mind you're in when it hits
My dad was a gentle, patient, loving guy with a really terrific sense of humor. He wasn't nearly the hostile little pisspot I am -- the only thing I can recall him getting angry at me about during my adult life is when he thought I was judging someone too harshly.
The wonderful sense of humor was one of the first things to go. The patience was gone -- he was constantly restless. And he would get into furious tempers -- even, once, at me, and I have to tell you I was his pet and he adored me. Then he'd have heartbreaking fits of remorse over it. But he couldn't control it -- when he had the temper explosions, he meant it. We had to get him out of the house for my mom's safety.
In my dad's particular disease, his frontal lobes were actually shrinking. I don't know whether it differs from person to person and with different forms of dementia. All I know is, my dad displayed characteristics that were definitely not his. It moved so extraordinarily fast -- three years from onset to death -- I never adjusted to it. On the plus side, I think of my dad as he was, not that terrible last couple of years.
The two year anniversary of his death is next week, so I'm thinking about him a lot.
And it wasn't the wrong thread, Chrissy. I laughed at your post. I apologize for my dip into sadsville. It's the anniversary.
My reaction at Trump is very mixed -- a blend of fury and derision, but now weirdly leavened with a compassion that's entirely due to the association with my dad -- and that, as people have pointed out, he doesn't deserve, since he was never the sweetheart my dad was.
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Post by Christine on Jul 13, 2017 21:18:11 GMT -5
I liked your post Cass, but we really need a <3 button. <3 <3 <3 Warmest, most comforting thoughts to you on the anniversary.
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Post by Vince524 on Jul 13, 2017 21:20:55 GMT -5
I liked your post Cass, but we really need a <3 button. <3 <3 <3 Warmest, most comforting thoughts to you on the anniversary. Ditto that. I know how tough this time is difficult for you.
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Post by Angie on Jul 15, 2017 10:46:44 GMT -5
My great uncle (as in my mom's uncle, not that he was great, even though he was that too and now I've made this explanation weird) had dementia, too. I vividly remember the last visit on which I was allowed to go with my mom to see him. We were all sitting around talking, and he was very quiet that day. Finally, he leaned across to my mom and whispered, "Next time you come, you have to bring me a gun. These people" -- pointing at the nurses -- "are trying to poison me." I will NEVER forget the look of honest, abject terror and pleading in his face when he said it. Dementia's' freaking scary.
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