gift for retiring doctor--thoughts?

Do you think you'll have any need for your spleen in the future?

I think it's really nice that you and your physician have had such a good rapport over the years. And no, it's not insane to do something thoughtful. I have a different sort of relationship with my patients - short term in the hospital at a very intense period (after an injury or illness that has seriously affected their function, and I don't have a follow-up clinic.) So I asked my husband your question, since he is a family practice physician and has that sort of continuity for years with his patients.

In his opinion, a card or letter in which you tell your doctor what you appreciate about their care, or in what ways that doctor-patient relationship has impacted you, is WAY more meaningful than a gift. He has been given a number of ties, and Harry and David gift boxes, and bottles of wine over the years, and the cards and letters are by far his favorites. If there is something little and personal (in his case, he loves hot sauce and a patient got him a small set of really hot sauces, or he mentioned he loved a certain fruit and the patient happened to have a tree and brought him in a bag of that fruit, or another patient makes homemade snack gifts like seasoned nuts or fudge) then that is certainly fine but absolutely not necessary. I remember at the VA we were not allowed to accept any gifts worth more than $10.

I have been given two expensive gifts by patients or their spouses - one was a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne, and another was a $100 dollar Starbucks card. In both cases, I tried to not accept but it ended up getting awkward and almost mean to keep protesting. In the case of the card, I didn't spend it for years until maybe a year ago I gave it to my daughter to have at college, since Starbucks is a luxury when you're a college student. It just felt weird for me to take something expensive for helping their family member through a crisis. And I still feel badly about accepting the champagne, but believe me I tried (in the hospital hallway)to politely decline multiple times.

I do keep a special keepsake box with letters or cards from patients, and I do read them occasionally, especially when I feel exhausted (emotionally or physically) by my work. (Believe me, sometimes patients can be tough. My husband has a story about his colleague who was carried out from his office in a stretcher to an ambulance and patients called to him (in the stretcher!) stuff like "But doctor, what about my prescription?". heh )

One card in particular was written by the spouse of a patient after he died, and I was so touched that she would reach out to thank me at such a painful time for her, it really meant way more than any other sort of gift could. I also remember getting a phone call while I was driving to work on a day I was so stressed about my current particularly difficult patient load, and it was from a patient I'd treated who had Guillain-Barre. He went over months from being unable to move anything from the neck down, to an essentially full recovery. I was on his treatment team at the worst of it, until he left AMA (against medical advice) to return to to his home state (in spite of all my warnings that he needed more time before taking that sort of trip). He told me how much my contributions to his care meant, and how grateful he was, and yes he thought he was going to die on that trip (only a slight exaggeration). He made this call out of the blue, months after his full recovery, which told me he still thought about things. That made my day and week and month and still is a bright memory for me.

So anyway, I hope this helps. And bless you for wanting to show your appreciation.
I hope you find another doctor you eventually come to like and trust as much.

I'm glad you're not my patient!