The Thread in Which Cass Writes Letters in Courier Font

Well, hell, Haggis. You may be drunk, undead, disemboweled, stumpy-legged, yappy, and short on posts, but you'll do better than what we've got. You're in.

I'm not stumpy legged.

He's also scruffy-looking.

You know, I think I actually have way too much punctuation in the damn thing all round. And the line breaks are really a distraction.

Dear Microsoft I know Ive never written you before but I finally got all my files switched over to my new computer from my old one and I wanted to have a little heart-to-heart with you about that naturally Courier font was the only way to do it properly Why oh why does Windows 10 eliminate the neat little tool every previous version of Windows had that allowed you to easily migrate all your stuff from one computer to another Why Last time I bought a computer it was a snap This time it took literally days DAYS for Carbonite to download all my files from my backup onto my computer Oh I know I could have paid $60 bucks to use that program youve partnered with to do it and maybe it would have been quicker than Carbonite which I already am paying for but I was not going to pay another $60 because I am just that cheap and because you used to do it for free and because I totally hate you and your partners and the whole reason I have to get a new computer in the first place is because it turns out that even though you told me my computer was compatible with Windows 10 and I should totally switch over because it would be soooo much better it was not better at all because everything got really slow after that and I had problems booting up and weird stuff kept happening like the sound stopped working for some reason and I never had any problems with the computer when I was using Windows 7 and I would rather spend the $60 on scotch anyway because Sincerely Cassandra W

I was thinking of doing another version entirely in emoticons, but unfortunately, I don't think the selection of emoji on this site is sufficient to really get my point across.

E.g. --    

I'm thinking maybe I'll write a letter to Trump, too.